“retelling greek myths” sentence starters

diangelwhoa:

I figured some of the stuff I ended up saying while retelling myths was… intresting enough.

• “I don’t think I can trust someone who thinks that a rock looks like their son.”
  
• “They got hit by a rock, but that’s okay. It had to be someone”
  
• “THIS BITCH UGLY, YEET!”
  
• “I assume fighting a snake isn’t as hard as you make it out to be. It’s not like they have the hands to throw punches.”
  
• “Damn, that was some poetic shit.”
  
• “No boy will try to date you with a face like that.”
  
• “I’ll pull out your ear hair if you keep talking to me like that.”
• “This god… is a baby.”
  
• “Look, I’m all here for self-expression, but you can’t just walk in here with your tiddies hanging out.”
  
• “The problem is this: He punched some rocks, but when he was done with that he started to kill things.”
  
• “He killed a bunch of stuff and decided he was ready to kill a god.”
  
• “Yeah, Poseidon would hang out in the ocean a lot. Probably because he was the god of the ocean.”
  
• “Shut up. I watched The Little Mermaid. I know all about Poseidon.”
  
• “She looks like a horse.”
  
• “I’m pretty sure that twelve year old is on fire.”
• “You probably shouldn’t insult a god’s dick, even if it is very small.”
  
• “Yes, I am the ugly bitch.”
  
• “Bitch, not my twink ass.”
  
• “Furries and twinks have a very similar but shallow dating pool.”
  
• “I can infer from your wide variety of plant ex-lovers that you go to the forest a lot to masturbate and cry.”
  
• “And now on to my favorite Greek myth: Percy Jackson.”
  
• “Like all great heroes, he came from a pussy.”
  
• “I think this calls for a story. It goes like this: Since the beginning of time, the gods liked messing everything up.”
  
• “They threw a temper tantrum, so I sent my kid away to live alone in the mountains.”
  
• “When your husbands cheats on you that much, you should consider marriage counseling. Killing the mistress isn’t proper therapy.”
  
• “I’m coming to learn that only hanging out with ghosts has it’s side effects.”
  
• “Whenever there are Zodiacs, Ted Cruz is sure to follow.”
  
• “If Percy Jackson has taught me anything, it’s that the gods kind of suck.”
• “Does Olympus have an Olive Garden?”