When I was in the third grade, I was sexually assaulted though I didn’t know it at the time. He was a fifth grader and twice my size it seemed.

When I was in middle school, I had a group of friends. This new girl came to school and the best opportunity to fit in, she used it as an opportunity to bully the weakest of the kids. That being me for 2 years, I couldn’t eat my lunch in the cafeteria cause eventually they all began to bully me.

 My junior year of high school, I went to meet up with this guy friend of mine who was a year or so older then me. We went down by the bridges of downtown, and I let him coax me into losing my virginity under a bridge. I continued to let him coax me and always said yes to him cause I thought he made me feel special. 

Beginning my senior year of high school, my best friend of 10 years. Accused me of rape. She was how my parents found out I was bisexual. When what happened, happened. She claimed what we did as me raping her so she could get off the hook for being caught underage drinking. She blamed it on her trauma of being assaulted.

In October of that same year, I went to pick up a drunk friend in the middle of a Saturday afternoon. Cause I was worried. He tricked me, told me he was gonna be sick and so I pulled over, and that was when he assaulted me in my own car. I suffer from a jaw lock problem and it was then that my jaw locked and I could scream and all I could do was cry.

Now mind you yes, this was horrible. I do realize that. I also realize that this has forced me and helped me to become stronger and better then I used to be. I think as we grow into our own bodies and into this chaotic world, you need to be able to speak up more about the things we’ve been through. We then need to acknowledge when we need help. When we need someone there to help us stand. And to not simply turtle back into our shell. And from there we need to use our experiences to help others. Stop the abusers, the users, the bullies, we need to make a difference in what our law makers say. We need to push our words out not in. Together there is a difference that can be made. To stop one more bad bully, one more suicidal friend, one more shooting, one more rape, one more.

So who I was was the person who couldn’t do anything, who coward, and was abused by many in many forms.

But Who I am is someone always welcoming the stories of everyone. Who will always keep her arms open for others to embrace. And someone who seeks to improve other’s lives, but my own as well.